One word uttered can cause so much emotion and fear in a person. It can cause confusion, depression, regret, and even guilt. You never consider that something would happen to you, or someone around you, and when it does, your heart stops and you absolutely cannot believe it. My grandmother had cancer, my grandfather had cancer, relatives upon relatives had cancer. Sure, I was sad, sure I was scared, but I never knew just how scary having cancer could be.

Remember when I was talking about that cyst/abcess I had in my mouth? Well, the biopsy came back today. I have oral cancer. They dont know how bad it is. Ill find that out on Monday or Tuesday next week. I feel totally numb...I dont think that it has sunk in yet... that I have cancer. As cliche as it sounds, I truely never thought that I would EVER get cancer. And as my doctor put it, *i wasnt supposed to hear this, but I have been listening in to phone calls today* that even though I have good health, if I have cancer at 16, who knows whats next.

My parents are completely devestated. My mom had to hear the news through her employer, WHILE she was on shift. So, she was at work bawling her eyes out. My dad just seems to be in a world of his own. Ive told a few close friends, but the word will get out soon. Since im in marching band, my parents have to tell the directors, of course, and Im sure that it'll get out eventually.

I honestly have no idea what to do with myself now. I listened to the conversation my mom had with my sister Sarah, telling her the news. I have never heard her sound so scared in my life. My other sister, Maria, is just concerned as hell about me. Im not even sure if my brother knows yet, but im sure he will.

I just kind of had to get that all out. A cookie for those of you who read that.

Ill still be around though, probably putting art up as well.